Don’t worry - Shelly’s okay. Porn Shoot Massacre is the name of a new horror flick, and Shelly Martinez is one of the actresses.

The pic above is Shelly promoting Porn Shoot Massacre at the Fangoria Convention with Liana Mendoza, another up-and-comer who stars in the film. Both Shelly and Liana are scheduled to appear as cover girls for the next issue of Girls & Corpses. Here they are hanging with legendary director George Romero:

Porn Shoot Massacre is a direct-to-DVD flick that’s currently available for preorder. Here’s a mostly safe-for-work trailer that includes a brief glimpse of what looks like a shower scene featuring Shelly Martinez:

And here’s one last video clip of Shelly Martinez doing a little foul-mouthed promoting for Porn Shoot Massacre:

No definitive release date yet, but we’ll let you know the details as soon as they become available.

That’s right, I said it. World Wrestling Entertainment has no Balls.

Balls Mahoney, that is. The ECW original was released Monday with the usual lack of fanfare and insincere sounding WWE send off wishing him “the best in all his future endeavors.”

Balls Mahoney hasn’t been seen much on-air since his storyline with Kelly Kelly was shelved in December 2007, so his release is far from shocking. Another ECW original bites the dust, joining the ranks of Sabu, Sandman, and Francine.

You know, it’s not often that Shelly Martinez gets to make appearances using her real name. With WEW, she wrestled as Cle-Ho-Patra. In ECW, she was Ariel; and now, with TNA, she’s Salinas.

But with Ring Women Video, Shelly Martinez is … wait for it … Shelly Martinez.

A couple of RWV promos featuring Shelly appeared on YouTube last week - check ‘em out.

Shelly Martinez with Amber Michaels:

Shelly Martinez in a solo promo:

Ring Women Video is still releasing new matches featuring Shelly Martinez, including a recent mixed match DVD/download called “Pinning Peter.” In March, RWV released two Best of Shelley Martinez compilations - at $149 and $159 respectively, I won’t be seeing them any time soon. Then again, RWV is an adult site so if you’re a Shelly fan it might be worth the high price tag.

For a little less - just $45.99 for the download - you can check out Shelly’s match with huge pro wrestler Afrika. Apparently Shelly can’t keep her assets covered and has frequent “wardrobe malfunctions” during the match. Sorry guys, I don’t have a free clip of that, but there are a couple of PG clips of Shelly on the Ring Women Video site.

Did you catch the unwelcome debut of Mike Adamle as the new ECW play-by-play announcer? I really considered not writing about it. I thought, maybe if I ignore Mike Adamle he’ll just go away and Joey Styles will come back and everything will be right with the universe.

Unfortunately, it’s three days later and there are no rumors of sacking Mike Adamle. The worst announcer in the history of WWE, nay, in the history of televised wrestling, is here to stay. If you missed his horrendous commentary on this week’s ECW, check out this replay (which is one of the funniest wrestling clips I’ve seen):

Even Jim Ross felt compelled to weigh in on Mike Adamle’s appalling ECW debut:

The uproar that many wrestling fans have displayed over Mike Adamle replacing Joey Styles as the play by play voice of ECW is one of the more far reaching and passionate displays of opinion in recent memory. I find it to be a really good thing that Joey has so many, and deservedly so, fans of his work that he has cultivated since the days of the original ECW. Two points here…some saying that Joe leaving ECW definitively says that the “ECW as we knew it is finally gone” seems like a day late and a dollar short. The original ECW “passed away” long ago, for better or for worse, and a new televised wrestling vehicle called ECW is now being broadcast. Secondly, others have predicted that the ECW TV rating will drop because of Adamle. That assumption is highly unlikely. Announcers rarely influence the ratings, even though I would love to say that they do as it might mean a little more “cheese on my Whopper” come pay day.

Former ECW owner Paul Heyman shared his insights into Vince McMahon’s decision to fill Joey Styles’ shoes with Adamle:

Mike Adamle couldn’t have done a more p***-poor job at announcing if he tried.

No self-sabotage could have been that consistent. Adamle called “WWE” just “WW”. He called Tazz “The Tazz.” He mispronounced names, couldn’t call holds, and his announcing debut was generally regarded as one of the worst in the history of broadcasting.

Now here’s a little secret. SHHHHHHHH…. don’t tell anyone.

For everyone who is so up in arms, screaming “we need to tell Vince what we think!” and “This guy’s a total disaster,” I have a scoop for you, and you’re not going to like it.

Adamle is horrible. No one likes him. People at home actually loathe his presence on the show. AND THAT’S EXACTLY THE SORT OF PASSIONATE RESPONSE VINCE McMAHON IS LOOKING FOR!!!

Heyman’s theory is that Vince McMahon is counting on Mike Adamle’s disgraceful performance to draw in viewers. He explains:

So Vince’s big idea for ECW is the train-wreck mentality! I can just see Vince right now, believing every word he himself says. “This guy is so bad, how can anyone NOT watch the show?” And he means it.

Vince actually believes that Mike Adamle is so mind-bogglingly awful, so ill-prepared, so horribly wrong for the show, that people will never be able to turn the dial. It’s the Britney Spears mentality. Is she wearing her panties today? Uh oh, she’s driving on the highway. Someone call the gossip blogs!

So, will Mike Adamle become the announcer you love to hate? Aiming for that is probably his best bet at this point.

Anyway, we wish Joey Styles the very best in his new position working on WWE.com. The ECW audience will be acutely aware of his absence for a long time to come.

It’s the weekend before income tax returns are due here in the United States, so in the interest of getting back to crunching the numbers and keeping Uncle Sam off our backs, we’re bringing you an abbreviated version of Sci-Fi Starlet Saturday.

We’re going to dispense with the usual biographical details and get straight to the pics. Luckily, Tricia Helfer of Battlestar Galactica fame is helping us out by posing for this brand new FHM UK photo spread. So enjoy these photos, and don’t forget to check out Tricia Helfer’s nude Playboy pictorial too.

Thanks to Panda39 for the magazine scans.